It’s Not You, It’s Me(me): 9 Tips for Making Your Blog Suck
Posted on September 27th, 2007 by Kristen King
Katharine Swan tagged me for a fun anti-blogging meme. Here’s my blogging advice guaranteed to make readers hate you and your blog.
- Use lots of cool online abbreviations. Bc when u wrt lk ths IDK WTF ur tklng abt if im nt rly awsm lk u LOL. (Translation: Because when you write like this I don’t know what the [expletive deleted] you’re talking about if I’m not really awesome like you, LOL.)
- Avoid correct punctuation, spelling and capitalization. because hey it’s just a blog and its nto like anyone like clients or readers or anyone sele important might see it and think your an idiot you dont need to worry about stuff like that becuase they know your really smart anywayt and its just because your typing on a blog and its not really paying work.
- Inject sweeping racial/religious/political beliefs into every post. Make a point of using vast generalizations to characterize leaders of other racial/religious/political groups. Insert slurs and offensive slang into your writing whenever possible. Make your blog your platform.
- Post lengthy rants about complicated situations that you don’t actually explain. Leave out the details and pitch an utterly baffling hissy fit that makes no sense to anyone but you because you’re too cheap to shell out money for the therapy you so desperately need. Also follow Nos. 1-3. And I’m not talking about doing what Writing Frump does or something like the Ivan situation where you get all the details except the names. I’m talking about a 3000-word diatribe about a guy with a face who says a thing about a thing and where does he get OFF?
- Steal content from other bloggers. Take entire posts. Don’t link back to the original bloggers. When someone calls you out on it, get mad at them and bash them publicly on your blog. Do the same for copyrighted images.
- Eviscerate commenters who disagree with you. Call them mean names. Question their sexuality. Bust out your best material from No. 3.
- Add new material only sporadically. Don’t post for months at a time. Do so consistently.
- Give too much personal information. About your sex life, your marriage, your constipation, that boil on your thigh, your relationship with your estranged cousin, whatever. Make people uncomfortable, particularly people who know you in real life.
- Use your blog as a place to air your grievances against other bloggers. Treat it like the sixth grade lunch room as much as possible.
I’m tagging Darren at Problogger, Brian at Copyblogger, Chris Garrett, and Liz Strauss at Successful Blog.
Like this post? Tip your waitress! Er, um, favorite blogger.
Great post! I particularly like the content theft one. Now why didn’t I think of that? Maybe I’ll steal it from you! ;)
If you do, I’ll hate your blog. ;]
Oh, and then I’ll have to use #4 or #9.
[…] http://www.inkthinkerblog.com/2007/09/27/its-not-you-its-meme-9-tips-for-making-your-blog-suck/ […]
Haha those are good. I’ve actually seen a few (teen) blogs like that.
I loved the title so much I had to come read it. I wasn’t disappointed.
[…] said was “I just tagged you for a meme on bad blogging habits.” I followed the link on how to make your blog suck. Hmmm. This was […]
[…] said was “I just tagged you for a meme on bad blogging habits.” I followed the link on how to make your blog suck. Hmmm. This was […]
Just wandered over here from Liz’s place and wanted to say that I think your blog is pretty cool, but I want to know, is this a hobby blog or a business blog? Because you have 2 separate and contradictory award nominations… ;-)
[…] Kristen King - It’s Not You, It’s Me(me): 9 Tips for Making Your Blog Suck […]
Well, although there is some redundancy here (especially number 5) this list makes a great addition to the first, second and so on. ;)
Apropos #8, what if I write about someone else’s constipation?
(This post should become viral!)
Thanks for all the comments, everyone!
@ Anna: I aim to please. ;]
@ Scott: I have multiple personality disorder, and so do my readers. Some do it for business, some do it for fun, and we’ve got some posts for both groups.
@ Dana: Girl, I don’t want to know!
kk
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This is my first time here but thank you for saying what the rest of us were thinking - where do they find the time!
Great read and I will definitely be back.
[…] there’s Kristen King’s 9 tips for making your blog suck and how NOT to promote your services. That last article strikes a chord with me because I’m […]
You forgot:
10. Write about yourself - and assume that MUST be interesting.
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